No worries, citizens. I'm about to make this super lame-o look like a FOOL!
Mr. Rev drones about his "white privilege," or how being born white has helped him out in life. Let me start off with acknowledging the fact that this guy doesn't appear too privileged to me. I don't normally describe anybody that is well into adulthood and still clearly a virgin that scrapes by on minimum wage at a comic book store as privileged. I lived that sad life, and to this day I curse the 80 issues of the Death of Superman I bought thinking they would make me filthy rich. Didn't happen.
Then, Mr. Rev continues to point out that black people don't get the fair chance white people get, because slavery and stuff. I'll have you know, Mr. Rev, that my grandfather Ennis owned white slaves, too. You can see that in my favorite movie, 12 Years a Slave (proving I'm not a racist). Ennis's white slaves had little white slave babies of their own, and those babies had free babies that worked at slave wages for the growing industry of Ennis Farms. One of those babies grew up and became famed singer David Allen Coe. He had the same level playing field as every other white and black.
Mr. Rev continues into whining about how he had job security his whole life, while blacks don't get that sorta cool deal. Guess what? I've never had a job and I'm white. Things were so bad for me, I quit answering the phone the day after I sent out my application. I've busted my hump my whole life trying to find new and creative ways to dodge school. Here's a hint - don't try the things Zack Morris did.
Rev's article just gets silly going on. He begins to claim that what words mean is uncomfortable to talk about when discussing race. Pardon me, but churn that pickle out to Tuesday with flop on Bruce Willis's The Return of Bruno. That's what happens when the meaning of words don't matter. Mr. Rev even goes on to say that white people shouldn't use the "my black friend" defense. As for me (Thurston NeSmith), I think saying that people can't have black friends is racist. If it were your world, I'm sure all white people would have no black friends.
Perhaps Mr. Rev has accepted his own white privilege while wallowing in his improvershed filth of wearing the same old Dr. Who shirt crusted with protein stains. But me? I'm going to embrace my black privilege. I'm not a racist, and I believe that everyone can embrace their own black privilege, and toil the dirt and study a book or something else smart until they become somebody rich, like a Olive Garden chef. Citizens, do not own up to your white privilege. Embrace your black privilege. Be more like me.
